Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
