I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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