why didn't you poke me back
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
