i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
