Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
