You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
