I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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