he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
