Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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