:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
