I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
