tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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