Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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