that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
