Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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