Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
