she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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