My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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