We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
