i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
