Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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