My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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