No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
