My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
