I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
