My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need moral support for this bender
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
