i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
