when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
