I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
