we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
