He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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