She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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