Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
