i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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