So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Congratulations! We have a period
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