Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
