i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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