How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
