i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
