theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
