operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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