We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
