I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
