I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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