Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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