it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dick very happy bro
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
