I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
