drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
