Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
