he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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