BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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