i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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