ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
