I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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