I love black thongs
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can you bring me the toilet please
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