dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
